


Memories

by CrankyWhenProvoked



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, College era, Drug Use, M/M, Memory Alteration, Overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:10:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrankyWhenProvoked/pseuds/CrankyWhenProvoked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam remembers</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

Sam closed the door behind him slowly, letting it click before taking a small step and sitting on the edge of the dirty tub. His mind was racing, hands clenching together as his adams apple bobbed with each dry swallow. All around his was silent, Dean having gone to dinner by himself, telling Sam to get some sleep, he looked a little pale. It wasn't a bug crawling through his veins, no, it was a old memory breaking down locked doors he had closed long ago. The ones of a time he didn't like to remember on the best of days, but of one of the darkest parks of that dark place.

Long before he met Jess, there was another who caught his eye. One who always had a smile on his face, something sugary in his hands, and a secret up his sleeve. A secret that mapped out dotted stars, some dark, some red, most almost lost to the sea of skin color. Sams mouth had pressed there one, praying that he would get another chance to press healing to them again.

But he didn't, not again after that one night of pleasure and tears and prayers, silent and called to the low ceilings. Only once did he even see him again, but unlike every other time, he didn't have a smile, and instead of sugar, only a syringe. He lost himself in his thoughts for a while, not even bringing himself to go to the very last time he could see him, not wanting to see the judging faces. The ones asking why he couldn't talk him out of it, why he couldn't replace the need in his veins.

Sam was sure that it was a door that was to be locked forever, one to never be touched again, less the pain flow back into him. But today, that janitor. That smile, the smell of sugar coming from him.

His temples throbbed before his eyes started to slip shut, a tear rolling down his cheek before his eyes slid completly shut.

A soft sigh came from the angel as he looked over the man now lying on the floor, face still screwed up in woundless pain. Raising his hand, a sharp snap sounded before him and Sam were in the other room, Sam now in bed, sleep clothes where his jeans had been. Coming closer, he kneeled over the bed pressing his lips to Sams forehead, the worry lines smoothing from the skin.

He never wanted this to happen, never wanted to see Sams with this much pain across his face again. The last time he swore would be the only time that he had to hurt him so bad, give him such a door to close. But it was easiest, the way to break it clean, but also give Sam a memory of him, one that he would get to keep, even if only in his deepest dreams.

That was before he ran into him, before he had to act like he wasn't the same person that came into his life years ago. Before he had to watch Sam try his best to not show the cracks to his brother, who was asking him questions.

That was still easier than this part, where he had to choose between being selfish, or letting Sam forget him. Could he handle watching Sam be in so much pain, or risk having to ever see it again, no matter how slim the chance. Or would he be the one to carry the pain now, so Sam could have one less hurt holding the world on his shoulders.

With another sigh, he closed his eyes, head hanging down low as his fingers pressed softly to Sams temple.

Sam made a soft noise in his sleep, but wouldn't wake up until Dean would come in, waking Sam with a jolt. He'll fuss at him, grumble about being hungry, and will roll his eyes and will ignore why Dean asked if he was feeling better.

He hadn't felt this good in years. While rain poured down from the heavens outside.


End file.
